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        Blog......Making Art

        Making Art is a peculiar business, how does it start, where does it come from, why do it ? . Other people have ideas and they remain ideas, others turn ideas into paintings or films or machines etc.                                                                The challenge for me as a gay man is to continually give myself permission to make art that is personal to me and my life. As gay men we firstly have to get over the fact we are actually gay. We are brought up homophobic , the same as most people. Next step , acceptance. I've always fell in love with men, it's totally natural to me, I know nothing else. I haven't changed , it's always been my life.                                                                                                                       After my partner died in '89 my life was changed, for years in confused and sad ways, then gradually I realized I was  armed with more empathy and understanding. I like to think I help others in difficult situations.                                  I knew I could paint, I don't know how.                                                                                                              For my degree show in '90 I made a big oil painting in a gilt frame, I didn't want people to just walk past my little exhibition area, I wanted them to stop. A lecturer from a different year came up to me and my painting . He said " Do you realize that is real painting, it is real painting! "  That was the first time I'd considered painting seriously. 'I could be a painter ? isn't that only for posh people, like tennis ? . He really gave me confidence with just one sentence. Words of encouragement are important, give them to people, you never know what you might inspire. I began to accept the idea.                                                                                                                        I painted 'MY PARTNER" in '94 and that was when I decided never to paint anything I didn't want to ever again. It was also my first well composed painting. I'd spent about four years getting my head around a composition formula and I'd pulled it off and it worked and it felt like I'd won something. The painting was accepted in the BP Portrait Award exhibition, hooray.                                                                             I made paintings that other gay people could identify with and that were good enough ( in my opinion ) to hang in national galleries. My style was traditional with a twist, realistic and oils on canvas. There are numerous 'female subject' pictures in galleries by straight artists, I thought naively I could do my bit to address that for the big gay family I felt a part of.                                                     So began the continuous meditation of giving myself permission to make whatever imagery I wanted. You get used to being 'put down' if you're gay, putting your head out there by exhibiting your personal life through paintings is leaving yourself wide open to more negative comment, hence the 'continual permission'.                                                                                                            In the end you just think 'Fuck It' and 'Fuck them'. There are miserable people everywhere, I can't help it if theyr'e unhappy, go see a counsellor .                                                                                                               I am here, we are here. We are great, we just are. We get very little encouragement from birth for being gay so getting to adulthood with a smile is just brilliant. Make fun and love, everyone deserves good stuff , shut out nasty fuckers , drop negative people, pass on smiles, love and luck to you..US!                                                                         

        BLOG Mixing Paint

         

        JUST ONE SMALL PART OF MAKING A PAINTING .....FOR ME...........

         

         

         

         

         

         

        BLOG School magazine First year....

        Well , Mark Johns dug up this Overleigh School Magazine page. I entered a TV fashion design competition, the programme was TOM TOM 1970'ish. Design clothes for the year 2000. I remember I made my designs with a set of multi coloured biros. They were crazy. I wish I had them but they probably went in a BBC bin .

        I remember them saying, 'you are the only male runner up in the north west'. Oh god and there was I thinking I was blending in. At that time , when I was about twelve I used to make my brothers clothes and force them into wearing them. I'd sew them in , I had no idea of zips or buttons. Once I made my younger brother Nigel a fantastic pair of burgundy satin flares out of an old bedspread my auntie Norma gave me. They were skin tight and flared hugely from the knee. I tied long silk tassles round his knees and I was really pleased at my rock god. "Now go and play with your mates" . Off he went and I proudly watched him run up the road. Half hour later he was back, ruined, ripped, he'd been playing football. All that time I also white fringed a denim jacket and jeans , all down the arms and legs with longest tassles, I thought I looked boss.                                                                                                                     The Liverpool Echo came round to do a feature about the competition, a female writer and a male photographer. I remember the look that passed between them after my Mum told them "he makes clothes for his brothers ". It was a look that said 'odd, oh aye'. It affected me for ages and just added to me feeling different, I'm one of them and there was no getting away from it. My life was kind of like the other lads but I was the only one like me and I had to hide it at all costs.

         

         

        BLOG .... Late Night Radio ...video

        A bit of a ragged progression video spliced together from photos. You can kind of get where it goes, some too far, some gets lost, some lost forever. Maybe you like a bit I went over, I could've stopped about ten times but the 'finish' kept me goin' an goin' and...........until my 'end'. I love rainy lights, motorways , like Blackpool.